I meant to write this blog post a long time ago but life with a toddler and newborn is busy, to say the least. I’ve always been one to be open and honest about my pregnancy and birthing experience. I think if more of us felt comfortable sharing, less of us would be judged or shameful about our own journey. My hope, once again, is that someone feels touched by reading this and less alone.
Spoiler Alert
This story is not for the faint of heart. Birth is no joke and I don’t recommend reading if medical stuff makes you squeamish.
It started Tuesday night, June 12th, two days before my due date. I had gone for a very long walk that morning and acupuncture with the lovely Energy Tree Anne in the afternoon. Every time I went to the bathroom, I noticed a lot of discharge and fluid. This continued through the night and I paged my midwife the next morning. Since there was no clear gush of fluid or fluid trickling down my legs, we were not sure if my water was broken, or if this was the normal end of pregnancy discharge. My midwife told me to continue monitoring and that labour was likely to start soon. That day, I went into full nesting mode, making a million things for the freezer and doing one last deep clean. I took a long shower and a nap. I tried going for a walk but felt way too crampy and so much pressure.
Early Labour
That afternoon I took Jake to the dentist and while I was sitting waiting for his appointment, I started to feel contractions. All I could think about was ‘Ugh, this baby better not come in the next hour because I don’t want to have to reschedule this appointment’. They were mild so I pushed through the appointment and walked home. By that evening, they were growing stronger and closer in duration, our midwife recommended we get to the hospital. Although I could tell I was still in early labour, I didn’t want to delay getting to the hospital. If you read my last birth story, you could know it was pretty difficult. I have intense, uncontrollable vomiting and contraction coupling. I was so nervous about this happening again that we wanted me to have options such as IV Gravol and fluids available early on.
Getting To The Hospital
When we arrived at the hospital, my midwife checked me and it became obvious that my water had indeed broken. At this point, we suspected it had been broken for over 24 hours and an induction was recommended. My midwife asked me if I wanted an epidural right away. She ultimately told me it was my choice, but did let me know that the hospital was pretty busy that night and if I delayed, I might not get one. I was so torn at this point. I really wanted less intervention this time around, but the idea of induction without an epidural also sounded terrible. (again, the vomiting piece made me super nervous). At this point, it was 10 pm at night, we were all tired and I decided better to get an epidural when it was available and rest so that I would have energy to push. Believe me, I felt weak, thinking about all the women who birthed unmedicated, but I also needed to do what was right for me.
Fast forward to 2 am, I was fully dilated and getting ready to push. So far so good. The next thing I know, I felt intense pressure and the baby move down in my belly with a massive contraction. With that, you could hear the heart rate instantly drop and become very slow. My midwife stopped the pitocin but it was a prolonged bradycardia and he did not recover. Even with a mask on, I would tell she looked extremely concerned. She stared down at me and said “Laura, the baby is coming right now” and ran into the hallway yelling for an OB. The next thing I knew it was like a swat team entered my room and everyone was yelling at me to push. Meanwhile, I’m yelling at Dylan to wake up so he doesn’t miss the birth. The OB applied a vacuum, a couple of big pushes and baby Leon came flying out. This is a moment I will never forget. It was like my entire pregnancy flashed before my eyes, the thought of losing my baby was the scariest moment of my life. With that first cry, I instantly burst into tears and held him as tightly as I could. A few minor tears on my end, but nothing major. With such fast labour, however, I started having a severe postpartum hemorrhage. I kept hearing everyone saying “There’s a lot of blood”, as they massaged my uterus and gave me two bags of pitocin to slow the bleeding down. Probably also why I’m tired since my hemoglobin isn’t so great these days.
What Now?
Was this the birth I wanted? Definitely not. But at the end of the day, I don’t care I am healing and Leon is healthy. I feel so fortunate to be born in Canada and have had medical interventions that saved both of our lives.
What about postpartum? I’ve also been very open about my postpartum journey the first time around. This time, it is much better. I am exhausted but happier. We can leave the house and see friends. I try to do at least one mom meet-up per week and put on real clothes and make-up. There is less decision fatigue the second time around. Unlike last time, I wish I had taken a longer leave from work. I am more confident and calm as a parent, and so is Dylan. We’re not perfect, but we’re surviving as a family of four :)
